can’t see the forest

The Moomans are Coming! The Moomans are Coming!

Just when we were getting used to a spherical planet, this from my good pal, BBC News (Health):

UK scientists have applied for permission to create embryos by fusing human DNA with cow eggs…

…The hybrid human-bovine embryos would be used for stem cell research and would not be allowed to develop for more than a few days.

But critics say it is unethical and potentially dangerous.

You know what this critic says?

“Aww, Mom…just a few days? Can’t he stay and play for at least a few years?!?

Man-cow

So, seriously (mWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….ahem): human eggs can be hard to come by for research purposes. That’s why these scientists from Newcastle U. and King’s College, London have applied for a license to substitute cow eggs in research towards better treatments for Parkinson’s Disease, Alzheimer’s Disease, and even the common stroke.

But, says Callum McKellar of the Scottish Council on Human Bioethics: “In this kind of procedure…you may begin to undermine the whole distinction between humans and animals.” Except, instead of you, he might have said ye. And there was probably a goodly amount of r-trilling in the word procedure. We musn’t undermine the differences between Scotsmen and Englishmen.

Well, in the first place, “human bioethics” seems at least a bit of an OXymoron these days, what with all the deforestation and American Idol crap going on. Secondly, it’s udderly ridiculous to suggest that cross-species stem cell research is going to disturb the relationship between me and my Holstein.

Nothing comes between us.

This is genetic research, not freaking Ice-Nine.

If we’re going to talk about ethics in genetic research, then, pray tell, shouldn’t we be discussing the peddling of self-terminating subscription seeds to third-world subsistence farmers? Or the corporatocratic race to patent the human genome? Or the longstanding use of supermarket shoppers as unwitting test subjects in the development of genetically MOOOOOOOOOOdified—excuse me—foods?

This is just another example of backwards, hyperconservative flat-earthers delighting in the noise of their own cattle calls. They’ll stampede over any kind of novel research so long as it enables them to feel they’ve imposed their own Old Testament worldviews on the fate of mankind. This argument sounds suspiciously to me like the gibberish about same-sex marriage somehow undermining the “sanctity” of that institution. I might have fallen for that one in the second grade. These dorks read too many ancient texts and watch too much television.

Of course, this is a free society (yuk, yuk) and I suppose there’s no need to be cowed by mere talk.

Besides, if ever these diabolical half-breeds should seriously rise up to threaten Lord Cthulhu, I’ve no doubt that they’ll be dealt with most speedily. Glub glub!

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10 Responses

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  1. raincoaster said, on 11/6/06 at 11:20 pm

    Indeed, what makes you think he is not behind the whole thing? He’s been into genetic engineering for millennia!!!

  2. Curtis said, on 11/6/06 at 11:24 pm

    Oh, you’ve done it now. You’ve spoiled everything. ;-)

  3. Gracie said, on 11/7/06 at 12:25 am

    “MOOOOOOOOOOdified—excuse me—foods?”

    Priceless! I never know what to expect when venturing here – this is a real gem!

  4. Curtis said, on 11/7/06 at 12:29 am

    [chews cud, swishes tail, recites Gettysburg Address]

    ;-)

  5. Julaybib said, on 11/7/06 at 3:33 am

    I’ve always suspected that a breed of cattle were planning to take over the planet, led by the diabolical ‘Woolly Bully’. Now I fear the worse. Before long, we’ll all be burgers and handbags. Except us veggies of course.

  6. Curtis said, on 11/7/06 at 3:35 am

    I can’t wait until the tribunals start.

    “I did not have gustatory relations with that hamburger!”

  7. Ann Elk said, on 11/7/06 at 4:33 am

    LOL again :D Your bovine intervention is mighty aMOOsing.

    And, on your last comment, might be a bit scary if we start get r-trilling cows! :surprise:

    Only cow puns can be milked for all their worth, great job ;)

  8. peoplesgeography said, on 11/7/06 at 4:37 am

    Take two: “for all they’re worth”, oops.

    And hear, hear on this passage particularly:

    If we’re going to talk about ethics in genetic research, then, pray tell, shouldn’t we be discussing the peddling of self-terminating subscription seeds to third-world subsistence farmers? Or the corporatocratic race to patent the human genome? Or the longstanding use of supermarket shoppers as unwitting test subjects in the development of genetically MOOOOOOOOOOdified—excuse me—foods?

    This is just another example of backwards, hyperconservative flat-earthers delighting in the noise of their own cattle calls. They’ll stampede over any kind of novel research so long as it enables them to feel they’ve imposed their own Old Testament worldviews on the fate of mankind.

  9. Curtis said, on 11/7/06 at 5:33 pm

    I knew you made typos. I knew it. Well, to err is human. To forgive—bovine?

    And, actually “all their worth” is in this case grammatically correct and has a certain eloquence about it. But, as you prefer. ;-]

  10. peoplesgeography said, on 11/7/06 at 6:38 pm

    Its a MOOt point then ;)


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